Stress Relief
Clark smiled as he walked through the mansion hallways. There was just something about a half day of school that made the world seem so right. Each class shortened just enough to make learning anything impossible, and by the time you wished it was lunchtime, the day was done. Whether the reason was some obscure holiday or an administrative necessity, half days were the sort of happy occasion which made nine months of school almost bearable.
To make the experience even more charming, he was going to surprise Lex with his early dismissal, which was exactly the sort of petty pleasure which made him a complete dork. Normally he might have begun to brood on his lack of cool, but such gloomy thoughts simply evaporated in the joy of a half day. On any other day, he'd be in math right now, trying to invoke his dormant alien power of making algebra nonexistent-
He stopped in the doorway of the room he had entered, frozen like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck. Of course, the comparison really only worked if the deer resembled a high school boy who had just walked in on his best friend lying naked on a portable bed, being massaged by a woman with obscenely muscled arms.
But, Clark reflected, Smallville deer have probably seen many strange sights. And, gaaah.
Lex had his face down in the headrest, and Clark decided that the most graceful way to handle this situation might be to turn tail and run. Sure, the oddly brawny masseuse might wonder what his deal was, but Luthor staff weren't paid to chat up the boss, so if he was really quiet, he might just be able to pretend this never happened-
"Are you coming in, Clark?"
Or not.
"Hey, Lex. I didn't mean to interrupt- I can just come back another time-"
"Don't be ridiculous. Have a seat. What are you doing out of school so early?"
And, well, damn Lex for being so self-possessed and always the consummate host, because now Clark had no choice but to go in and stay. "Half day." He had planned on waxing poetic on the topic, but the squelching of oil being warmed between large, well-trained fingers and then slapped down on Lex's back cut short his ability to do anything more than blink really, really hard.
"A magnificent institution. Makes the regular schoolday seem even more cruel."
In Clark's original plan for this conversation, he would have enthusiastically agreed for as long as Lex would allow him to keep talking, but in Clark's original plan, Lex had been wearing clothes, so it was difficult to see how the hypothetical situation related to this one at ALL. Clark was wearing clothes. He was setting a good example, and Lex should really pay attention.
"Did any of your teachers pretend to teach, or did they all allow for the futility of it and force you to play hangman?"
Well, that depends, Lex. Are you wearing any PANTS?! "Um, most of them just let us do our own thing. We had a video in English."
"Must have been a short- ah- video."
Yes, Clark realized, Lex was not only getting a massage, he was moaning, and so any of Clark's ability to converse with him was pretty much decimated. And it wasn't just the fact that it was Lex- Clark was pretty sure he would be unnerved if he walked in on anyone he knew getting rubbed down while they made breathy exclamations of pleasure. Naked. Oily and completely without clothing and under a sheet. It would be weird if it was Pete and it was weird with Lex.
Of course, being that it was Lex, it wasn't so much 'weird' as it was- well, something else, and was it Clark's fault that he didn't have the most extensive grasp of vocabulary at the moment?
To think, he could be in math class right now. Whoever invented the half day of school deserved a meteor rock milkshake.
Say something, Clark. And look- well, somewhere else. "In middle school, we had this one teacher who liked to give pop quizzes on half days. To 'make sure we all knew it was still a school day, and learning was still our number one priority.' She didn't understand that she was violating every good thing about a half day."
"Tell me her name. I'll make her pay. Mmm."
Clark cleared his throat and continued his in-depth examination of his boots, wishing that Lex could be stricken with muteness, at least until he had his clothes back on. "Well, Pete put chalk dust in her coffee once, so I think she's learned her lesson. With the...drinking of the chalk and all."
"No doubt."
The pause was getting longer and uglier, and Clark was worried Lex might start making noises again, and so what happened next wasn't really his fault. "The Egyptians ate chalk."
Lex actually lifted his head at that, a puzzled look on his face.
Clark shrugged, trying to keep his composure. "For indigestion."
Lex nodded, a bit incredulously. "Yes, I've heard that. Clark, are you okay?"
"Fine. Why do you ask?" Was that the sort of question naked people ask? Was that what was going on?
"You just seem...nervous. Jittery."
"Just, you know, the excitement of being out of school early. And stuff."
"Ah. Stuff. Stuff makes me tense too- which is, in fact, the reason I get massages. Work all that stuff out. You should try it sometime."
"Try what?" Surely Lex had not just suggested that Clark take the place of the woman kneading at his back?
"Getting a massage. What did you think I meant?" The lift of his eyebrow made the question a little less rhetorical than Clark liked to think about, so he decided it was time to bring his visit to a close. He stood up with a determination which was usually reserved for more life-threatening situations.
"Well, I should get going. After all, you don't have a half day, do you?"
"Clark, you don't have to go-"
"No, I have some errands for my mom, and you probably have plenty of stuff to do. I'll see you later!" With clothes. Please, Lex, he thought fiercely, put on clothes.
"Okay. Thanks for dropping by."
As Clark walked to the door, he sniffed the air, and paused. "What is that smell?"
"Oh, it's the massage oil. It's scented."
Clark had almost escaped the room of nudity when Lex added one more comment.
"And flavored, actually."
Clark fell on his face, and for once, meteors had nothing to do with it.