Expert Opinion
"Anya, I have to run out for a minute," Giles explained. "I won't be long."
She nodded, not looking up from the book she was reading.
About five minutes after Giles had left, the phone rang. Anya picked it up with a sigh. "Hello?"
"Hello, is Giles-- Anya? Is that you?"
"Oh, hi, Angel. Giles is out right now."
"Do you know when he'll get back?"
"Soon. Is there something you need? I might be able to help."
"I just needed to ask him if he had read anything about-"
Anya made a noise of pure exasperation. "About what? Do you think that Giles is the only one who can help you? Because, guess what, I'm something of an expert on demon lore. No one seems to ever remember that."
"I'm sorry, I wasn't-"
"Yeah, well, big surprise. Everyone thinks I'm just Xander's lusty girlfriend. I happen to have lived through most written histories, but no, I'm just vengeance demon turned eighteen year old girl in their eyes, and no one seems to care that if any of their male ancestors had cheated on their wives, the so-called Scooby Gang might not have come into being."
There was silence on Angel's end of the phone for a long minute.
"What were you calling for, Angel?" Anya asked in a calmer tone.
"I need some information on a demon called Rignestor. I've been hearing stuff, Cordy had a vision which put her in a really bad mood, I'd sort of like to know how to kill it when it shows up."
Anya laughed in response.
"Anya?" Angel asked uncertainly.
"I'm sorry, it's just, Rignestor. I can't believe it."
"You know him?" Angel asked incredulously.
"Why does that shock you so much? Yes, I know him. He's one of the stupidest creatures I've ever had the misfortune of knowing."
"Oh, good. That should mean he'll be easier to kill."
"Not hardly. Angel, I said he was stupid, not bad at strategy."
"But-"
"Look, his fighting ability is inherent. His kind senses the weaknesses of an opponent and exploits them mercilessly, When I said he was stupid, I meant that for all his tactical ability, he still had the gall to think he could lie to his mate. His mate, who was, I should add, telepathic. Anyway, her taste for revenge is the cause not only of the grotesque shape of his head, but of the one way to kill him."
"Which is?"
"Kiss him."
"Excuse me?" Angel asked quietly.
"Yeah, his lady fair wanted to make sure that he'd never get any loving after she was gone, so that was her wish, which I was more than happy to grant. He leads a lonely and sexually frustrated existence, that one. Kind of like you, I guess."
"Um, yes. Well, Anya, I should-"
"So, did you hear the news?" her voice suddenly excited.
"What news?" Angel obligingly asked.
"Xander cares for me! As more than a sexual companion!"
"That is...wonderful, though the word falls short of what I'm really thinking-"
Not hearing a single word, Anya continued. "You see, he came in, and I was asleep, and Spike had blood on his mouth, and when Xander saw me, he thought that Spike had killed me. He ran over and started pounding Spike into the floor. Spike later pointed out that since he can't hurt humans, Xander wasn't really in any danger, but the best part is that Xander didn't know that. I mean, if he thought that I was dead, then that would mean he thought Spike was again capable of killing, and he was still willing to risk his life for me."
"It sounds like things are working out for all of you."
"Yes, the sex after he proved he loved me was the best yet." She heard a sort of choking sound coming from the phone. "So, are you going to kiss him?"
"Xander?" he asked in surprise.
"Rignestor. I kiss Xander."
"Oh, yes. I suppose I'll have to do it, unless I can make Wesley do it. Cordy seems to have gotten over her need to kiss everyone in sight, now that she's accepted the visions."
"Cordelia has visions now?" Anya asked.
"She inherited the gift through a kiss, and for awhile, she was trying to get rid of it by making her lips public property."
"Did she kiss you?"
"Well, yes." Angel replied.
"How amusing."
"See, it wasn't really."
"Do you know what is amusing?" Anya laughed.
"What?"
"I'm probably the only person in this whole town who could find out that Cordelia kissed you without feeling anything one way or another. I find it funny, but anyone else would be all wrapped up in extraneous emotions. I'd love to tell them, just to see the looks on their faces." Anya smirked at the thought.
"You know, that really isn't necessary-" Angel remarked with a sort of begging tone in his voice.
"I wouldn't, not really. The conventions of humanity are coming back to me. Slowly, but they are coming. Your secret is safe with me."
"What secret?" Spike asked, coming into the kitchen.
"Leonardo DiCaprio hit on Angel. Oops, sorry, it slipped."
"Thank you, Anya," Angel sighed.
"You'd make a lovely couple, Peaches," Spike said into the phone. With a chuckle, he went back into the guest room.
"I guess there are two people in Sunnydale who wouldn't care about Cordelia's lips introducing themselves to yours," Anya pointed out. "Hold on a minute. Did you say something about Wesley?"
"Yes, he's sort of working with us now," Angel explained.
"I thought everyone despised him."
"Cordelia actually had a crush on him, and I never really knew him very well. I think most of them disliked him because he was supposed to replace Giles," Angel surmised.
"And since Giles still treats you like a poisonous snake, you didn't mind Wesley so much?" Anya asked.
"Well, not exactly. It's more that I understood his position. He made a lot of mistakes, but I know very well what it's like to feel the communal distrust of Buffy and her friends."
"Once earned, hard to shake. Seeing as how I almost got them all killed not only in an alternate reality, but in this one as well, I guess I can identify with that sentiment."
"That's very-"
Anya ignored him. "Yet they have almost completely accepted my assimilation, at least as much as they ever accepted Cordelia. And I never even apologized. Perhaps that's the reason, actually. Maybe if you had set your foot down and said that none of the crimes you committed while soulless were your fault, they never would have blamed you. I mean, I even continued to side with the dark forces of Sunnydale after I was made human. Willow punched me for it, and now I'm sleeping with her best friend."
"Yeah, well-"
"You should go? Me too. Xander and I are going to-"
Angel cut her off. "You know Anya, I really don't need to hear-"
"Watch a movie," she finished.
"Oh," he said, obviously relieved.
"Then have sex," she said with a wicked grin.
"Umm."
"Bye, Angel."
"Goodbye, Anya. Thanks for all your help."
Hanging up the phone, Anya wondered why no one ever mentioned that Angel was so funny.